


Five Men Dean Winchester Had To Leave And One He Never Will

by MarmeLady_Orange



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF (Mention) (Meta)
Genre: A bit of fluff depending on whose chapter it is, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Ass Play, Bisexual Dean, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Bottom Misha, But Castiel is never far from Dean’s mind, Canonical Character Death (Meta!Misha), Episode: s04e14 Sex and Violence, Episode: s06e15 The French Mistake, Episode: s08e09 Citizen Fang, Episode: s08e13 Everybody Hates Hitler, Episode: s10e15 The Things They Carried, Hand Jobs, Language, M/M, Marijuana, Other Additional Tags May Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Discovery, Smut, Top Castiel, Top Dean, True Destiel action comes at the last chapter, Would he want it or not, You gotta know Castiel’s gonna be super sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a real ladies man. Or so everyone thinks. He too believed the same thing until a monster forced him to stop hiding from himself. After that, no magic was needed… much!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nick Munroe

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah… I felt like rewriting a bit of history here. You know, adding a bit of sexy where there was none… or where we were just never shown!!! (this is what I personally choose to believe).
> 
> You’ll notice that I went in and plucked some situations & dialogues directly from the show… everything else is just a product of my wandering mind.
> 
> There are six chapters to this story and one will be published every Sunday. The first one is the shortest so I hope it won’t be too disappointing. And every chapter will deal with one particular man in Dean’s life.
> 
> Destiel is to come, but it won’t be until the very last chapter. Still, he is bound to be mentioned, thought of, imagined along the way. ;-)

_Season 04, Episode 14: Sex And Violence_

 

The one thing Dean would have loved to say was that wanting to get into Nick Munroe’s pants had been a consequence of the siren’s venom. But he knew no poison should have been needed to initiate their first kiss as they sat in the car outside the cocktail bar. 

Not that he’d tell anyone, but Dean had become consumed with desire all on his own. Ever since their shared investigation at the strip club. Dean had checked out guys before and wondered but not until Nick did he ever really consider acting upon it.

Okay, so maybe a bit of siren magic had to happen. Still, Dean couldn’t help but think of their encounter as a nice one. No, not nice… fucking amazing! A real eye opener.

As they waited for Dr. Quinn to come back out of the bar, huddled in the shadows of Nick’s car, Dean couldn’t ignore the temperature rising. As Nick’s tainted saliva made its way through his system, he couldn’t find the will to fight his attraction to Nick anymore. 

“You really should have wiped the lip of that thing before you drank from it, Dean.”

The hunter gulped, knowing he was in deep trouble even though unable to really care about it.

“I should be your little brother,” Nick continued, making Dean’s heart speed up. All he wanted was to scream that no, he didn’t want a brother. What he wanted, what he needed, was a lover. 

“Sam, you can’t trust him, not like you can trust me.” Nick glanced at his true self in the mirror before looking back at Dean. “In fact, I really feel like you should get him out of the way so that we can be brothers… forever.” 

Nick’s voice was low and soft, sending shivers throughout Dean’s whole body.

“Yeah… yeah, you’re right,” Dean heard himself agree after a short pause.

He came to realize that Nick’s apparent tenderness had all been an act but at the time, he believed and relished in it. Whatever he had been craving, would it be love, attention, or even simple respect, all of it was displayed for him to see in the other man’s fiery stare.

It felt natural for Dean to lean in until his lips softly brushed Nick’s. He didn’t push, elated by the sensation but worried that the other man would move away. His breath hitched when he felt Nick start kissing him back. 

From this moment on, Dean couldn’t be certain the lust had entirely been his own. He’d always been quite the hedonist but never in his life had he ever felt this hungry, this aroused. Their kissing soon turned sloppy, their hands already working on each other’s pants.

Having another man’s dick between his fingers somehow didn’t register as strange to Dean. With Nick’s hand on Dean’s own erect member, mirroring his rhythm, it almost felt like he was pleasuring himself. Except that he wasn’t, the mouth sucking a bruise on his neck a clear reminder of Nick’s presence.

Maybe it was the novelty of it all, or just how awesome Nick presented himself to be, but Dean came embarrassedly fast, muffling his raspy moans with his face in Nick’s jacket.

“Fuck…” he croaked into the fabric. “That was… jesus…”

“Imagine this for the rest of your life,” Nick murmured as he came in Dean’s hand, making the hunter shiver in excitement.

It didn’t take much effort on the siren’s part to convince Dean to go take care of Sam right this minute. The hunter knew – or at least it felt like he did – that his brother would never accept Nick into their lives; he was too needy, too demanding… but most of all, he wasn’t Nick. 

At the time, it all made sense, it really did. 

Only after getting a shot of Nick’s venom in the face did Sam come to agree wholeheartedly with Dean. Not only about Nick being awesome, but also about wanting to be with him forever. As lust made the blood bubble up in his veins, Sam could only think about eliminating the only thing between him and the object of his desire.

And whatever accusations Dean would spew at him, it made no difference. All Sam knew was that the older Winchester had to disappear. Only then could he go and be able to fuck Nick against that awful rococo wallpaper.

The rest, the fist fight and the angry words, it was all hazy. Nothing seemed to make it through the siren induced fog until Bobby came in, preventing Sam from getting axed. Bobby stabbed Dean before throwing the bloody knife at Nick’s back, killing him instantly. Only then could the brothers think clearly again.

Some time later the three men were standing near the highway, sipping on cold sodas. Before they parted ways, Sam made sure to thank the older man.

“Thanks, Bobby… if you hadn’t shown up when you did– ”

“Did the same for me, more than once,” Bobby said, dismissive. “Of course, you could have picked up the phone. It only took one call to figure out that Agent Nick Munroe wasn’t real.”

Dean tried to ignore the pang in his heart, making sure to evade Bobby’s inquisitive stare on him. Sam’s version of the story had been all about brotherly companionship. Dean certainly couldn’t have claimed the same and yet he did. As he agreed with his brother, Dean could have sworn it caused Bobby to quirk an eyebrow. But if he didn’t believe him, Bobby never said a word about it.

Despite himself, the memories of the short-lived affair – if he could call it that – still made Dean tremble with want. All his life he had been able to keep his lust for the male flesh hidden, even from himself. But now that Nick had helped fulfill some of those fantasies, there was no way they could be pushed down ever again.

Except that he did.

 

 

_To be continued…_


	2. Misha Collins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was Dean supposed to do while his brother was spending some quality time with his fake-wife? Apparently, his own fake-boyfriend expected that they’d be having a fun time of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So, I know, the character is named Misha… it’s really Meta!Misha… with a dash of the real thing ('cause, you know, Meta!Misha had been played a bit douchy and dorky… tried to amend that a bit).
> 
> Still, EVERY OTHER CHARACTER is meant to be Meta… I know Danneel hadn’t participated, but I still felt the need to include her. For some reason, I truly hate to dismiss the wives when playing around with Cockles—and in this case, meta!cockles… 
> 
> (I don’t know about you but I’m getting slightly confused)
> 
> Anywhoooo… You’ll notice the absence of Meta!Vicky… I couldn’t find a way to bring her up but she’s there too, in spirit. Dean just never bothered to ask Misha if he too was married. But he totally is…
> 
> Hmmm… Other than that, I hope that if you’re not a fan of rpf, this won’t be too cringy for you. I just couldn’t resist, you know?
> 
> So… on with the kinda-smutty-add-on to the French Mistake episode. There’s not as much stuff plucked out of the episode, it’s mostly at the end, but I still tried to have it all make some kind of sense. :)
> 
> (P.S.: This chapter couldn’t have come at a better time, honestly… as a proud member of the Cockles Dumping Grounds, yesterday made me really excited to finally post the second chapter… couldn’t wait until tomorrow! loll)

_Season 06, Episode 15: The French Mistake_

 

Maybe Dean shouldn’t have left Sam’s side, but he knew there was no way his brother would pass up on some sexy times with a non-evil Ruby. Which was why, as the couple went upstairs to make some noise, Dean chose to step outside. Clearly, the mansion’s floor plan didn’t make for any kind of discretion.

So he ended up on the front porch, finding the alpacas’ bleating in the backyard all too noisy and slightly creepy. He had just been able to find a somewhat comfortable position to snooze on the porch swing when beams shone right in his face.

“What the hell,” he mumbled, sitting upright as a car rolled up the driveway. The headlights soon shut off and the driver stepped out of the car.

“Jensen? What are you doing here?” he heard a familiar voice say. “I waited for you all evening.”

“Huh… what?” Dean said dumbly, watching Misha walk up to him.

“You wouldn’t answer your phone so I called Clif. He really doesn’t like to be disturbed on his me-time,” Misha said as he sat next to Dean. He leaned to kiss Dean’s cheek without waiting for an answer, making the hunter flinch. “Are you all right? Got into another fight with Jared?”

“No… huh… thought I’d give him and Ru… hmm… his wife some alone time.” He turned to find Misha looking at him with a crooked smile. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just weird that you’d be here, especially since I’m flying back to L.A. tomorrow. Dee called earlier and I didn’t know what to tell her.”

“Dee?” Nothing the actor was saying made any sense to Dean.

“Damn, did you get high or something? Must be some good stuff if it makes you forget about your own wife.”

Dean didn’t know at that moment if he should have been worried or relieved. For a second, he did think that a thing might have been going on between fake-him and fake-Cas.

“Sure, my wife, of course. But no, no gettin’ high. Huh… thanks but you didn’t need to drive all–”

“Jen, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been weird all day but now I’m kind of worried. Are you pissed at me or something?”

“Nah, man… we’re good, I guess. I’ll go home to my wife then.”

Not that he knew where that would be, but Dean hoped it’d at least make Misha go away. The man was a little too much like Cas, yet not enough at the same time.

“Okay, now I’m worried,” Misha said as he brushed a hand over Dean’s forehead. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“But Sa… ehr… Jared? He’s gonna worry about– ”

“I’m calling Dee,” Misha said under his breath, handling his phone with a single hand as he pulled Dean towards the car with the other. “Dee? Found him, he was at Jared’s,” Misha soon said into his phone. “No, not sure why… Yeah, I am too. I’m bringing him back home now. Jen, wanna talk to Danneel?”

Pretty sure it’d be weird to refuse, Dean nodded and grabbed the device Misha was handing him.

“Hello?”

“Hey, honey, is everything okay?” The woman’s voice was soft and had a pleasant youthful quality to it. Dean somehow knew she had to be as gorgeous as her voice sounded. Well, Jensen was a popular actor, wasn’t he? His wife would have to be stunning. “Are you and Jared talking again? You could have at least told Mish you’d be going there tonight.”

Not wanting to delve on why his fake-wife would care about what he would or wouldn’t say to his coworker, Dean decided to take the easy way out. “Yeah, me an’ Jared, we talk now. So we’re good, sorry to have worried you. I’ll see you soon.”

“Look, hon… I’m going to bed, gotta get up early. Let’s skype tomorrow night instead, okay? Just go and enjoy your evening with Mish. Love you!”

“Huh… yeah… hmm, same,” Dean croaked just before the line went dead. He turned to Misha who still had that concerned look on his face.

“Jen, if you’d rather go back to your place, I’ll drive you. I don’t mind… It’s just… I won’t be back here for another month.” As he said that, Misha came closer, snaking both arms around Dean’s waist.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dean protested, taking a couple steps back. “You just talked to my wife. I’m married,” he felt the need to emphasize.

“Are you having a stroke or something?” The concern on Misha’s face had morphed into frustration. “Look, let me at least give you a ride. You don’t have to come over but next time, just try and be upfront about it, okay? Or… you know what? You can just stay here, I’m too tired to care.”

As fake-Cas stomped back to his car, Dean found himself hesitating. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Sam’s side but he was mighty curious to see what kind of place fake-him had been able to score. He only hoped it wasn’t as douchey as Sam’s.

“Misha, wait up!” he called when the car started moving. It stopped so Dean could get into the passenger side. “Thanks…”

“No problem. So your place, I gather?”

“Well… yeah… where else?” Dean replied, surprised to find his answer make Misha’s face fall even more. “Look, man… huh, not sure I remember what we had planned but it’s kinda late, isn’t it? Better to just reschedule, how does that sound?”

“Yeah, of course. Reschedule… That’s one thing I love to do, reschedule sexy times with my damn boyfriend. Super romantic, Ackles, as always.”

No matter how much he wanted to object, Dean couldn’t find the words. All he could hear were the words sexy times and boyfriend swirling around in his mind.

“Look, if you want to break up, just don’t pussyfoot around it, all right? It’s gonna hurt like hell but it’s a promise we made each other. Whenever it becomes inconvenient, we end it. Just don’t keep me guessing, okay?”

And finally, the truth made its way into Dean’s hazy brain. Fake-him and fake-Cas were indeed having a thing. And apparently, his fake-wife was okay with it. Was she?

“So… my wife… she’s okay with this?” Dean blurted, pointing back and forth between the both of them.

“What’s with you today?”

“I… I hit my head on set earlier. I think I’m just not all there. Sorry.”

Without answering, Misha pulled out of the driveway. They kept silent until Misha parked in front of a tall apartment building in Downtown Vancouver. “I’ll see you tomorrow I guess,” he said in a quiet voice, not looking at his passenger. The hunter felt an unexpected sting in his heart.

“Look, C– Misha… if you want… huh… you can… you wanna come up?” As he spoke, Dean tried to ignore the erratic beatings of his heart. If fake-him indeed had a boyfriend, he couldn’t just go and ruin that for him now, could he? And it wasn’t like said boyfriend was some butt ugly stranger… 

“Usually I would, but you kind of ruined it.” 

And hell if that pout wasn’t the most scrumptious thing Dean had seen in a long time. Despite his better judgment, he landed a soft hand on the actor’s thigh. “Look, I’m sorry… please come up. I’ll make it up to you, all right?”

“Thought it was too late,” Misha said, his eyes drawn to the tip of Dean’s tongue peeking through his lips.

“I can work with late if you can. Please…?” Dean said under his breath, now gently stroking Misha’s leg.

“You motherfucker. You’re not getting off that easy, Ackles.”

Except Dean didn’t miss the heat in Misha’s eyes as he warned him. Or the twitch it prompted in his own pants. If there was a time to try and explore a bit more of that side of himself, this had to be it. What was it they said? What happens in an alternate Canadian universe stays in the alternate Canadian universe?

“As long as I’m getting off,” Dean tried to joke, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Now let’s go upstairs,” he quickly added before Misha could say a single word against it.

Getting into the condo itself proved a little harder than it should have, Dean having no clue how to get there. After being steered the right way by Misha, he fumbled a little too much with his keys before finding the right one.

“Jen… are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should go to the hospital or–”

Misha was cut off by Dean’s eager mouth on his. As the door closed on them, the men staggered blindly down the hall, peeling off their clothes – not that Misha had that much on.

“I hate when you stay in your Dean clothes,” a breathless Misha mumbled against Dean’s lips. “Too many fucking layers!”

Dean chuckled, trying not to dredge on how he would have loved the actor to still be wearing his Castiel garbs; pulling on that tie and that stupid trench coat, getting everything off slowly until he got to the–

“Hey… you think Cas is a boxer or a briefs kinda guy?” he heard himself ask after almost choking on his own tongue when he found Misha to be going commando.

“Told you before; Cas doesn’t care but Jimmy probably wears boxers. And if Cas had to choose, pretty sure he’d take Dean’s cue,” Misha said as he snapped the elastic of Dean’s own boxer-briefs. “Now let’s take those off and put this show on the road, shall we?” he purred as he sunk to his knees, pulling the underpants down as he went. It apparently didn’t matter that they were in the middle of a lavish living room with its uncovered windows overlooking the city.

Maybe Dean would have cared if his brain had been able to function at that very moment. Fake-Cas’s mouth on his junk surely prevented any type of rational thinking. “Shit… Cas… God!” he blurted, burying his hands deep in the actor’s hair.

Misha let him go with a slurp. “I don’t feel like role-playing, Jensen,” he said, his deep blue stare unequivocal.

“Yeah, sure, sorry. No games,” Dean sputtered, praying he’d remember not to call out the angel’s name. It should be easy, right? It wasn’t like he could ever get down and dirty with Cas, could he?

Apparently satisfied, Misha put his mouth back on Dean, teasing the head by swirling his tongue then swallowing him down again.

“Fuck… Mi… Misha… jesus…”

The hair Dean had his fingers buried into was soft and short, yet long enough for him to take purchase in it. The more he tugged, the more enthusiastic Misha worked him, moaning around Dean’s shaft and pulling on his hips so he could swallow him further.

“Oh, God! That’s… Fuck!” he croaked as he felt himself on the fast track to orgasm city. Except that particular train came to a screeching halt when Misha let him go with a wet pop.

“You’re not coming just yet, Ackles,” Misha warned him as he got to his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I think I’ve waited long enough,” he added with a devilish smirk.

Dean gulped, imagining that reciprocating was not only fair, but expected. Except he had never sucked dick where his fake-self would surely have some experience in the matter. Mouth agape, he prepared to kneel when Misha swiveled around, presenting his backside instead. 

Dean felt all the blood drain from his face, now worried he’d be expected to start eating ass. Panic morphed into lust when the sight of the butt plug’s base diverted the blood straight to his junk.

“What are you waiting for,” the actor groused, his voice suddenly too similar to Castiel’s. He pushed his ass back and wiggled it some, making Dean’s breath hitch. “You don’t get to tease me, Ackles… not tonight.”

Dropping to his knees, Dean assessed the spectacle before him, unsure of what to do first. He was already hard as fuck and couldn’t wait to tap that ass. Suddenly, the thought of eating said ass didn’t seem so weird anymore. He flattened his tongue on the right cheek, licking a long stripe as he experimentally tugged on the plug.

“Ugh… Jen… no teasing… just… fuck me!”

“Patience,” Dean said, his breath fresh on the damp skin.

“You… I’m still pissed, you know,” Misha mumbled while Dean nipped and suck at his ass cheek while softly wiggling the plug. 

Misha let out a choked yelp when Dean slid the plug out to replace it with his mouth. “I’m ready,” the actor croaked, pushing his ass back on Dean’s mouth. The hunter hummed, pleasantly surprised by the residual lube’s strawberry flavor. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

When Misha turned back around to haul Dean to his feet and push him towards the sofa, Dean was too surprised to resist. He let himself fall back, paralyzed by the hunger in Misha’s eyes. Mesmerized by the sight, he didn’t notice the bottle that had somehow appeared in Misha’s hand. Not until it bounced on Dean’s chest to land between his legs.

“Lube up,” Misha ordered before getting up on the couch, his feet bracketing Dean’s legs. Dean obeyed, unable to tear his eyes away from the actor’s thick muscled thighs.

“Ready?” Holding onto Dean’ shoulders, Misha lowered himself until his hole brushed over Dean’s dick, making them both hissed in expectation.

Dean only nodded as he held onto Misha’s hip and grabbed his slick dick at the base. He angled himself until he felt the glans catch unto Misha’s awaiting hole. The man grabbed at Dean’s shaft to help steer it inside as he impaled himself slowly.

“Ah fuck!” Dean let out, his voice weirdly rough and squeaky. “Jesus, you’re… aah… so fucking tight…”

It didn’t take long for Misha to have both his hands on Dean’s shoulder again, bouncing up and down on his cock. Then he leaned back, holding onto Dean’s parted knees. “Aaaah… shit… yes!” the actor screamed, obviously finding the new angle to be working wonders.

As he sat there with the fake-angel fucking himself on his cock, Dean couldn’t pry his eyes from his face. He wanted to remember it all: the eyes shut tight, the slack jaw, the sheen of sweat making him glisten like gold in the sun.

“Touch me, you motherfucker,” Misha growled, now gyrating his hips like a damn washing machine. But before Dean could comply, Misha pushed himself forward to grab at Dean’s face and plunge his tongue inside the hunter’s mouth.

As Misha kept pumping his hips hard, he held Dean so tight against himself that there was no room left for Dean to help. So instead he made sure to hold Misha tight with both arms and his mouth on his neck as their bodies friction did the job.

“Aaaa! Jensen… Fuck… I’m com– aaaah!” Misha screamed again as his dick spurted between them, basically untouched. “Fucking hell…” he croaked, still pumping the cock in his ass but on his knees rather than on his feet. The rhythm was broken, softer.

With his own orgasm right around the corner, Dean finally let his eyes close, the amazingness of Misha’s “O” face driving him up the wall. 

“Come for me, baby,” Misha murmured in his ear, before sucking the lobe between his teeth.

And Dean did, both from the man’s voice and the pressure of his hot ass. “Jesus! Mish– ” he blurted before biting Misha’s shoulder. Not hard enough to draw blood, but close.

With a whimper, Misha pumped his ass up and down a couple more times before letting Dean slide out. Instead of moving away, he stayed over Dean’s lap, trying to ease his breathing.

“Shit… condom…” Dean said when he felt his own come drip from Misha’s hole onto his dick and balls.

Once more, even through hooded eyes, Misha was able to send him a worried look. “Jen,” he said in a soft voice, “I’m… It’s like… don’t get me wrong, you were awesome but… it’s like… are you sure you’re feeling okay? Must have been quite the bump on your head ’cause you even fuck different.”

Dean shrugged, not sure how to respond. “I’d say you did most of the work,” he tried to tease, except the other man clearly didn’t find him funny.

“Exactly,” the actor responded with a slight frown. When Dean didn’t try and explain himself, Misha sighed and got off his lap. “I’m taking a shower. You comin’?”

Dean gave him a soft smile. “You go ahead… just gotta take a breather, you know?”

Misha nodded, unable to hide the hurt in his eyes. Dean closed his own and waited until he heard the bathroom door close.

“Now what?” he thought, knowing there was no way he could stay there. He had to go to the airport with Sam in the morning, then they’d be on their way back home. He glanced down at himself with a disgusted pout before going to rinse off in the kitchen sink.

When Misha came back to the main room, Dean was somewhat clean and dressed again.

“Going somewhere?” the actor asked with a frown.

“Huh… Jared needs me… he… he wants to run lines.”

“At two in the morning?”

Dean cleared his throat and shrugged. “Yeah… says he’s real worried about tomorrow’s scenes.”

Misha didn’t need to say a single word for Dean to know his excuse didn’t fly.

“What’s really going on, here? Are you and Jared having an affair? Was what just happened just like… a goodbye fuck?”

“Jesus, no! Misha, babe, I swear,” Dean said with urgency in his voice. He didn’t ponder on the babe thing, pushing it to the back of his mind. “We… look, we’re preparing a surprise for everyone, the cast and crew and… We gotta go get this package at the airport in the morning.”

Before Misha could argue that Jared should be able to do this on his own, Dean gave the actor his most seductive smile as he tried to explain himself. “We used my name and card so I gotta be there to sign and shit. And since Jared and I are just talking again, I figure I shouldn’t ditch him… you understand, right?”

But Misha didn’t seem the least bit impressed by the Winchester swagger. Which, Dean was about to realize, was nothing compared to the actor’s own. “Told you I wasn’t in the mood to play Supernatural. I don’t care how awesome you think Dean is, it’s you I fell in love with.”

As he said that, Misha dropped the towel he had draped low on his hips and came to stand close to Dean. “Are you sure you have to go?” he asked in too deep of a voice, effectively making Dean’s dick wanna come to life again. 

Once more, Castiel came to his mind but it wasn’t the one from his universe. All he could think of was the one from Zachariah’s future, the hippie who had tried to seduce him in pretty much the same manner. His whole life Dean would wonder how he ever could resist him.

“Hey, that’s unfair… if I can’t be Dean, you can’t be Cas,” Dean warned, brushing a hand down Misha’s back all the way to his butt. “But yeah, I gotta go! I promised Jared. Plus… surprise for everyone!”

Misha sighed as he turned to walk away. “Fine! Lemme get dressed and I’ll bring you back.”

“You don’t have to–”

“I have to go back to my place anyway, so shut up. I’m driving you back to the Padaleckis.”

 

~ • ~

 

That second day in Bizarroland should have been a short and easy one. That was considering they could have performed the ritual and go on home. Instead, the brothers were expected to actually act which proved to be much harder than they ever would have thought; wasn’t that a big part of their daily lives anyway?

Except Dean thought it may have been a blessing after all. It forced him to focus on the task at hand instead of wondering why Misha was being so dismissive. The little time he allowed himself to think about it forged a single conclusion: Misha was pissed at him.

Not that the hunter didn’t deserve a bit of lip after what happened, but sadly in no way could he try and salvage that. He’d have to leave this whole mess behind and hope his fake-self would be able to fix it.

After messing-up the shooting, which hadn’t even been deliberate, the Winchesters finally had an opportunity to try and cast the spell and get out that stupid universe. But when they ran through the prop window, all they achieved was to land on the other side of the decor.

The rest of the day didn’t go any better, with Virgil somehow popping up on set, thankfully powerless. Then they gladly told off that weirdo-director-dude insisting his name was Bob Singer. And, if only to make things even better, Dean had to open his big mouth and quit. That Jensen character would be coming home to some major shit storm, but the hunter couldn’t even pretend to care anymore.

Sadly, the brother’s unexpected salvation had to emerge from tragedy. When they walked back into Jared’s mansion later that day, they were welcomed by fake-Ruby in the throes of a tearful panic.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” she cried between sobs, prompting Sam to ask what was going on.

“Misha! He’s been stabbed to death!”

While his heart dropped in his stomach, Dean couldn’t help but ask the only question that came to his mind, the exact same one as his brother. 

“Where?” they said in unison.

The woman – who Dean had come to learn was actually named Genevieve – shared what she had been told with a confused frown on her face. The boys were quick to leave for the alley where the actor had had his neck slashed.

Dean did his best to ignore the blood-stained sheet as they went to speak to the hobo who had witnessed the crime. If for the local police, the man’s retelling of the event sounded like a crazy wino’s ramblings, the Winchesters certainly knew better. Satisfied, Dean slipped the old man a colorful fifty dollar bill before following his brother back toward the street.

As he walked right next to the corpse, Dean had to force himself from stopping. All he wanted was to run to the Castiel look-alike and push the MEs away, if only for a second. He wanted to hold the actor one last time, not caring that not a single drop of life ran through him anymore. He needed to apologize and maybe kiss those lips one more time, something his real boyfriend wouldn’t be able to do ever again.

But he kept up with his brother instead, sending the fake-angel a silent promise to kill that Virgil bastard himself. Which he would have done with a fatal kick in the head if Raphael hadn’t warped them back into their own universe.

Coming back home to be faced with a deceiving Cas did nothing to help make things better. Between Misha’s death and Castiel’s manipulative ways, all Dean could feel was heartbreak, and grief. Not to mention the incredible guilt of not being able to keep Misha safe… 

Just some more things he’ll choose to keep to himself.

 

 

_ To be continued… _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I own nothing, copyrights to whoever and dreams all around!!
> 
> Not beta'd (I know, I can live with that) and hopefully still readable!
> 
>  
> 
> Please don’t hesitate to comment or come and say hi on [Tumblr](http://marmeladyorange.tumblr.com).
> 
>  
> 
> See you guys with the following chapter next week-end! :-D


	3. Benny Lafitte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know what I’ve always wondered, Dean?” Benny said under his breath. “How come we’ve never… you know… relieved the pressure together?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah… Benny! What a great character… I myself have never been a Dean/Benny shipper but, you know, as long as the endgame is Dean and Cas together, I don’t really mind a little "sexploration" :-P
> 
> This being said, finding an episode where such a scene could work wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I didn’t want to set this in purgatory so I didn’t have many choices. And Dean tricking his brother to leave and "save Amelia" was the perfect set up for some other kind of curricular activity (not that he had planned for that to happen).
> 
> So, I’ll let you read on now. I hope you’ll like this little add-on.
> 
> .

**** _Season 08, Episode 09: Citizen Fang_

 

 

Dean rolled away from the vampire’s head Benny had just chopped. “Son of… It took you long enough,” he groused, out of breath.

“You’ve lost a step, friend.”

Benny extended a hand to help Dean up. “Need to lay off the junk food.”

Once on his feet, Dean brought a hand to his neck and hissed when he touched the bloody gash. Benny’s hungry eyes followed the gesture.

“You ok?” Dean asked, almost as a challenge.

“I’m fine,” Benny growled between trembling lips. His eyes didn’t leaving Dean’s neck, almost able taste his friend’s fresh blood on his tongue. He walked away before he could give into the urge.

Relieved, Dean followed as Benny went outside to grab a bag of blood from his cooler. He couldn’t conceal the disgust from his face as the vampire swallowed the plasma.

Miffed, Benny turned around to finish his snack sans the judgmental looks.

“Feel better?” Dean asked after the vampire had thrown the empty bag in the cooler.

“Much… ain’t as good as drinking from the tap, but it still does the trick.”

“Glad you think so.” Dean’s prudent smile faltered when he noticed Benny’s hungry stare back on him. “Maybe you should have another one, buddy.”

Instead of agreeing, Benny took a couple of steps forward, making Dean retreat until his back hit the nearest tree. “Benny, dude–”

“You know what I’ve always wondered, Dean?” Benny said under his breath. “How come we’ve never… you know… relieved the pressure together?”

Finally understanding what type of hunger flickered in the vampire’s eyes, Dean could breathe easier. “Come on, Benny! When would that even have been possible? We were under attack twenty-four-seven.”

“True… still, there were times when we could have just taken a couple of minutes to… regroup, so to speak,” Benny explained in that lazy drawl of his.

“Then why didn’t you try gettin’ your hands on me?”

Benny gave out a half-hearted chuckle. “You were my ticket out of there, I couldn’t risk you deciding to slice me up. Plus, you had that angel on your mind. How’s that going by the way, now that he’s back? Is it all you hoped it would be?”

When Dean answered, it was with his lips brushing over the vampire’s. “What makes you think I wouldn’t slice you up now?” he said, ignoring the Castiel issue.

Benny huffed, softly tapping the hunter’s crotch with the back of his hand. “The half stiffy you got there’s a pretty good sign, brother.”

“Just so you know, calling me brother right now isn’t really doing it for me.”

Benny didn’t have time to reply before he found himself with a mouthful of Winchester. As they kissed, Dean couldn’t ignore the metallic tang of blood on Benny’s tongue. If anything, it only convinced the hunter to kneel faster.

Dean couldn’t hold an amused grunt when he pulled down the vampire’s trousers and underwear. “Guess manscaping isn’t something vampirates would be into,” he commented, a little surprised by the thick bush of hair between Benny’s legs.

He couldn’t help but think back at Misha’s very well groomed nether regions. He himself tried to keep things clean down there. Yet, he decided he didn’t mind as much and took the growing member in his mouth. For a guy who once thought he’d never be able to give head, he certainly seemed in a hurry to do it again.

“Unh… the fun we could have had… you’re a little cum slut, aren’t you?”

Mumbling the filthiest things he could think of, Benny grabbed Dean’s head to fuck his mouth. The hunter didn’t fight it, relaxing his jaw and throat as much as he could. He still choked on occasion, his face damp with saliva and tears.

“Ah! Dean! Fuck! I’m coming…” Benny cried awfully soon, thrusting his dick deep down Dean’s throat. The hunter had no other choice but to swallow, kinda glad the vampire had spilled beyond his taste buds. For some reason, he was certain Benny’s man-butter would taste just like copper.

Without even putting himself back in his pants, Benny pulled Dean up to lap at his mouth. It didn’t last long, the vampire soon kneeling in front of Dean.

“Is that what you meant by manscaping?” he asked when confronted with Dean’s much shorter curls. He softly grazed his fingers over the trimmed patch of hair. “Is everyone doing this now?”

“I’d think that most do, yeah… Some will even shave it all off.”

“That can’t be comfortable,” the vampire mused before swallowing Dean’s already hard dick in a single go, making him hunch over.

“Fuck, dude… jesus!” the hunter sputtered, his legs already shaking from Benny’s expert mouth on him. “Your mouth… fuck!”

Benny’s gravelly chuckle lit up sparks along Dean’s spine, making every inch of his skin tingle. He silently thanked the tree in his back, the only reason he was still somewhat standing up. As the vampire licked and sucked, Dean could only do his best to stay upright, digging his nails in the bark.

“I… I’m close,” he soon said in a rasp, trying to push Benny off of him. It only made the vampire take him deeper and suck harder.

“Uhh… Shit!” Dean screamed, his hips shooting forward with the force of his orgasm.

Benny didn’t stay on him for long, falling back on his ass when Dean’s knees buckled. Soon, they were both sitting on the ground, laughing breathlessly.

“Hadn’t come like that in ages,” Benny said, finally putting himself back in his pants. Dean did the same, nodding and licking his lips. “Would hav’ made things pretty interesting down in ol’ Purgatory.”

Except Dean couldn’t agree with his second affirmation. “You were right to say I might have not been all that receptive back then. I only had Cas on my mind… had to find him, you know?”

“And now that you did, how’s it going?”

“I dunno… it’s kinda weird, if you gotta know. He’s different… Hell, I’m different.”

“Yeah, Purgatory will do that to ya.”

They got back on their feet and it was quickly decided that Benny couldn’t stay in these parts anymore. The word would get out and the vampire would be hunted by everything and everyone. But before he left, Benny needed to see his granddaughter one last time.

They went and stood outside the restaurant for just a little while, Benny getting his fill of memories. Until Dean felt the moment had come.

“Time to go, buddy.”

Benny nodded, turning away from the restaurant with tears in his eyes. He shook Dean’s hand, a little longer than they normally would have.

“Thanks for not givin’ up on me, brother.”

“Don’t give me a reason to,” Dean replied in a soft voice, making the vampire smile.

Benny nodded again and clapped Dean on the ass, just hard enough to make the hunter’s dick perk up. He looked on as Benny walked to his truck, fighting the urge to go to him one last time. He got out of the way as the vampire drove away, knowing it would probably be the last time he ever saw him.

Until he did again and it broke his heart.

 

 

_To be continued…_


	4. Aaron Bass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So… that’s Dean’s life now? Cute guys openly flirting with him when all he wants is to do his damn job?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody Hates Hitler… what a great episode for anyone who truly believes in Dean’s bisexuality. He’s so cute, and flushed, and nervous… All I want to do is give him a hug and tell him it’s all right! :-P
> 
> This being said, for this chapter I haven’t used as much dialogue and scenes from the actual episode. The main event is situated, or prompted, by canon events but whatever happens is totally invented. I don’t even know if Dean and Sam actually spent the night at Aaron’s… I may actually have read that in another fic and my brain decided it was canon. lolll (wish I could remember the fic I’m thinking of, I’d at least cite it here).
> 
> Anyway… here’s my little fantasy piece about Dean and Aaron… I hope you guys will like it!
> 
>  
> 
> See you again next week! Getting closer to the conclusion (maybe I should start writing it… shoot)
> 
> .

_Season 08, Episode 13: Everybody Hates Hitler_

 

Damn Aaron Bass. A little fucker if there ever had to be one. 

In the sport of flirtation, Dean had always considered himself a champ; a little smile here, a little wink there, cheesy lines that only worked because he had the face to pull them off.

That was how it worked with girls, anyway. Even when women were the ones pursuing, Dean still always felt like he had the upper hand. He knew how that part of the show went.

But throw a guy in the mix and Dean’s confidence would crumble. He could handle mock flirting, making passive aggressive comments on how he didn’t “swing that way”. Unless the flirting seemed genuine enough and the guy was actually interesting.

Aaron Bass had been one of those. Dean’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him waving hello across the bar. It wasn’t the first time he had seen the guy that day so ditching the chicks had been an easy decision to make. If only to know what the hell this guy wanted with him.

Decision which he regretted when the smaller man came at him full force with his coy smile and bedroom eyes. Yeah, maybe they did have a moment but it was all a bit too forward for Dean. He took back his FBI badge in the hopes he’d be able to just turn around and forget about it all. There were too many people, lights were too bright, but mostly Dean wasn’t ready. 

Not right this minute anyway.

Learning later about his gay thing not being anything but some kind of ruse made Dean feel even worse about it all. He kept replaying the scene in his mind, cringing at what could have happened had he been responsive to Aaron’s advances.

That very night, while trying to catch some z’s on Aaron’s couch, Dean sat up to find the golem sitting in the corner looking towards him rather than sleeping.

“Could you at least close your eyes or something? It’s creepy,” Dean said, not loud enough to disturb his brother snoring on the air mattress.

The golem didn’t answer but he didn’t move either. He stayed still, his eyes fixated on the wall behind Dean’s head.

“Freak!” Dean mumbled as he got up to get some water, in desperate need for an excuse to leave the room.

He reached the kitchen to find the back door open. He heard someone cough and saw a flickering light coming from outside. Without a noise, Dean took the gun in his back and slowly approached the door. The closer he got, the more he could smell the distinct aroma of weed.

“Aaron?” Dean called, his gun drawn before him.

“Outside,” Aaron responded before coughing some more.

The porch in the back was small, with barely enough room for a single lawn chair. Aaron sat on it, his feet prompted high on the railing.

“Can’t sleep?” Dean asked as he put the gun back in his pants.

“Let’s just say all this crap… it’s a lot to process, you know?” the smaller man said, offering his joint to the hunter. With a shrug, Dean accepted, leaning on the railing next to Aaron’s feet.

“So, how long have you known about this stuff?” Aaron seemed transfixed by Dean’s mouth as he pulled on the thin cigarette.

It was Dean’s turn to cough a bit. “Can’t say I remember much before hunting. Bits and pieces but, yeah, that’s our life.”

“That gotta suck. Why don’t you guys just stop?”

“Stopping isn’t in the cards. I tried, Sammy tried… didn’t work for either of us.”

Aaron nodded, taking the joint back. “I’m sorry for earlier, man,” he said in a strangled voice, holding the smoke in. “I kinda panicked.” Seeing Dean’s confused frown, Aaron explained. “Me hitting on you… Honestly, I was mostly glad you didn’t try to beat me up over it.”

“Huh… yeah… no worries.”

As Aaron passed him the joint again, his eyes caught on Dean’s. “It wouldn’t have been all that bad if you had flirted back though.”

Dean chuckled, letting out the smoke. “You’re playing a dangerous game there, dude.”

“What? You’re gonna beat me up good and proper this time?”

“Nope… but I could decide to flirt back.”

Aaron shrugged, a crooked smile on his lips. “Like I said, it wouldn’t be that bad if you did.”

Probably because they were alone under the moonlight rather than in a crowded bar did Dean feel like he could respond the way he wished he had earlier. He pushed Aaron’s legs off the railing and spread them apart to stand between them. He leaned forward, holding onto the chair’s arms to cradle Aaron in.

“That’s some agressive flirting,” Aaron said in a low voice, his eyes travelling between Dean’s eyes and lips.

“I think we’re well past the flirting stage, don’t you think?”

Aaron swallowed and nodded before leaning up to try and kiss Dean. He let out a pitiful whine when Dean evaded his lips. The hunter chuckled before dipping down to finally kiss the younger man.

Before long, Dean was kneeling between Aaron’s legs. As they kept kissing, Aaron crossed his legs behind Dean’s back, forcing their bodies closer together.

“Fuck, that’s nice…” Dean couldn’t help but moan when Aaron’s lips travelled down his neck to start sucking a bruise. Aaron hissed in response to Dean’s hands snaking down the back of his pants.

“I’d love to get you naked,” Aaron murmured, his lips soft on Dean’s ear. “Think we can get passed your brother and my golem unnoticed?”

The words felt a bit like a cold shower on Dean. “Huh… Golem doesn’t sleep so, no!” Shivers ran up Dean’s spine when another idea popped into his mind. “How about my car?”

Yeah, sex in the Impala’s backseat was something pretty sweet. He had yet to try that with another guy, see if they both could fit as well as he could with the ladies. Not to say that Aaron was lady-like, but he was shorter than him and a bit on the skinny side, so it should work.

Without waiting for an answer, Dean got back on his feet. He led Aaron to the Impala where they climbed in the backseat, Dean crawling in to lay over Aaron. They kissed for a little while before Aaron stopped Dean by pushing him up.

“So… how do you wanna do this?” he asked, the bottom of his face burned red by Dean’s stubble.

“Well… aren’t we doin’ it now?”

“No, I mean me fucking you. You’re gonna ride me or–”

“Woah, what? I… I don’t get fucked. If someone’s fucking someone, it’s me doing you.”

“Sorry, I hate bottoming. So you hate it too then?”

Now sitting on his heels, Dean shrugged. “I guess…”

“If my prostate wasn’t so sensitive, I’d let you do it but the pain’s not worth it, you know?”

“So it does hurt… wonder why guys do this then.”

“They have normal prostates, I guess… So you never even tried?”

Dean shook his head, a little ashamed by his lack of experience. Of course, he had plenty with the ladies, just not in the ass department. His thoughts swerved back to a couple of years ago, landing in bizarro land where their life was a damn TV show. Misha certainly looked like taking it up the ass felt pretty good.

“Does that mean you wanna try?” Aaron asked, noticing Dean’s glazed look as he licked his lips.

Dean looked down at himself, blushing. “Maybe…”

“Got lube in here?” The hunter shook his head. “All right, let me go get–”

Dean didn’t let the younger man leave, too scared he’d be losing his nerves. So he crashed his mouth on Aaron’s, giving him the filthiest kiss he could muster. But as soon as they had to come up for air, Aaron pushed Dean back.

“Dude! I can’t fuck you without lube. Especially if you’ve never done it.” The younger man sounded strained, as if having to be the voice of reason took everything out of him.

“Use spit,” Dean growled, “that’s what they did in that Brokeback flick, ain’t it?”

Aaron’s sudden laughter startled Dean. “What?”

“Believe me, you don’t wanna take your cues from that movie when it comes to butt sex,” Aaron was able to say before laughing again. He forced himself to stop when he caught the embarrassment on Dean’s face. “Sorry, sorry… It’s not that funny… too much weed.”

“Look, I’m not gay, I don’t know about that stuff.”

“No, I get that… But some girls will let you fuck ‘em in the ass, I thought you would have at least done that, is all.” Aaron gave the hunter a soft smile as he rubbed his clothed bulge. “Why don’t you sit back and lemme take care of you?”

Dean, still sitting on his heels, let himself be manhandled by Aaron until his back hit the door. He then unfastened the hunter’s pants, never letting his eyes wander from Dean’s.

“You ever put a finger up your ass?” Dean shook his head, suddenly short of breath. “Shit… I certainly got lucky, didn’t I?” Aaron said with a wink, making Dean revert back to their meeting in the bar.

His insecurities started melting when he felt Aaron’s hot mouth on him. He wasn’t fully hard just yet but he knew it wouldn’t take long if the dude kept doing what he was doing.

“Jesus…” he croaked, right before having two finger shoved in his mouth. He started to work on them without even thinking about it, twirling his tongue and sucking, making the digits as wet as possible.

Aaron took his mouth off him, if only for a second. “I’ll be gentle… just relax.” The young man’s hot breath on his wet shaft made Dean shiver, but never as much as his damp fingers did when they circled his hole.

Dean hissed, his legs spreading apart on their own. A whole lot of expletives threatened to fly out but his throat didn’t appear to be functional anymore.

After what felt like forever, Aaron pressed a finger on Dean’s rim, making him yelp. He swiftly took it out, but only for a second. When he pressed it in again, Dean couldn’t help the choked whine that erupted from his throat.

“Sss… Stop… Please…” he achieved to say through gritted teeth.

In an instant, Aaron had his hands and mouth off of Dean. “Sorry, man… Are you okay?”

With a nod, Dean moved so his asshole wouldn’t be exposed anymore, hating the residual feeling of Aaron’s finger trying to get in it. He looked down at his softening dick then at the man in front of him. “I’m fine. Just… lay off the ass?”

Smiling, Aaron nodded and dove down to work on Dean’s dick some more. Dean jerked when he felt the man’s hand get between his legs again. He let out a relieved breath when Aaron started fondling his balls instead, softly tugging on his sack.

This time there were no interruptions, Aaron working Dean to completion in record time while Dean jerked him off. Coming down from his orgasm, he watched through lidded eyes as Aaron pumped his own dick with his hand over Dean’s.

He came with a cry, making the hunter’s spent dick give out a dull twitch. Still on a high, he grabbed the smaller man by the neck to devour his mouth. They made out for a while, until the night didn’t seem as dark anymore.

“Think we should get dressed,” Dean said against Aaron’s mouth, making him sigh.

“Yeah… but I’ll need a shower, I’m covered in come.”

Dean opened his eyes to appraise the damages. “Covered may be a bit much, but yeah. A shower’d be good.”

“I meant… by myself?” Aaron said as he pulled his pants up. “Not that I wouldn’t like– ”

“No, hey, I know… I’m just as sticky as you are, is all.”

They both dressed up in silence, keeping an eye on the house. “So, I’ll just stay here while you go back in,” Dean announced as he rolled down the window, hoping the stench of sex would dissipate. “If Sam asks, I’ll tell him your golem was too creepy so I slept in the car.”

“What if he’s already up? What do I say?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know… You’ll find something, I’m sure.”

Aaron opened the door, cringing when the hinges creaked. They both turned to the house and waited. When nothing moved, Aaron stepped out. “Look, Dean… If you’re ever close by, just hit me up?”

Dean smiled and nodded, knowing that’d probably be their only chance at some kind of goodbyes. “I just might… now go on before my sasquatch of a brother wakes up and starts asking dumb questions.”

Aaron chuckled as he softly closed the door. Dean kept his stare on the young man as he walked back to go in through the back porch. He rolled the window back up and tried to find a comfortable position to get his snooze on.

When they left Pennsylvania later the following night, emotions were running high but Dean knew it had nothing to do with his encounter with Aaron. Instead, the feelings arose from Aaron recognizing and accepting his duties as the last member of the Judah Initiative, taking charge of the Golem in the process.

All Dean hoped was that his and Aaron’s path would cross again someday.

They still haven’t…

 

_ To be continued… _


	5. Cole Trenton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people, after a near death experience, will want to cope a certain way. Cole is apparently one of those and Dean seems to be what he needs to find his footing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah man… this guy. You’ll probably notice how this chapter is zero romantic. Because I don’t ship Dean and Cole? Most probably… my true ships are gooey and sweet and just super cheesy. This here is just, well, "one bro helping another", to quote Cole himself.
> 
> If you like mushy and sweet, that comes next week… it’ll be the conclusion and finally, FINALLY, Dean will be getting with that man he'll never leave! I don’t need to tell you guys who that is, I’m sure you already know! ;-)
> 
> I realized as I wrote this and searched for episodes that there are so many more guys Dean could have been with… And the only reason Future!Cas isn’t there is because I had forgotten about him somehow while I planned (which explains why he only makes a couple of cameos as someone Dean rejected… which makes no sense whatsoever… blame the writer on this one).
> 
> I would have liked to explore a little something with Ranger Rick from the Turducken episode but I don’t think there would have been much occasions. Both high as kites on the food? Kinda funny, if you ask me. Then there was that cocky sheriff (or deputy) at the sheriff’s convention last season. Or that fresh faced cop Dean kinda hit on (I think it was the episode where he gets hit with the ghost flu or something?) 
> 
> Anyway… I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot more… It’s just to say that Dean, well, he’s bisexual and it’s not because they haven’t shown it that it’s untrue! (Anyway, that’s how it is in MY world, so… there!)
> 
> I’m pretty sure that’ll be the least popular pairing (even though the whole thing isn’t that popular anyway) but I still hope you guys will somehow enjoy it.
> 
> If not, well… I’m sorry… But I’m still glad I wrote it! :-P lolll
> 
> See you next week for the conclusion! 
> 
> .

_Season 10, Episode 15: The Thing They Carried_

 

 

After squishing the Khan worm under his boot, Dean fell to his knees next to Cole.

“You okay?” he asked, holding him up with a single hand on his shoulder.

Cole nodded, breathless. “Yeah… thank god,” he said, breathing the praise once more while Dean grabbed his phone. “Thank god…”

Dean clapped his back, waiting for Sam to answer, which he quickly did.

“Sammy? We did it. Cole’s all right. Get Kit over here as soon as you can.”

The too long pause his brother made before replying told Dean all he needed to know.

“It’s too late,” Sam finally answered before hanging up.

Guilt settled heavy in Dean’s heart. He knew he couldn’t blame himself for Kit’s death but the guy had been Cole’s friend. “I’m sorry, Cole. Kit didn’t make it.”

Dean left the soldier’s side only for a second, coming back with an opened bottle of water in hand.

“Drink,” he ordered, bringing the bottle to Cole’s chapped lips. A second later, the man was taking hold of the bottle with a trembling hand. “Don’t drink too fast, man… you’ll get sick.”

But Cole didn’t listen, nor did he stop drinking until the bottle was empty. “More,” he said between ragged breaths. Dean obliged, even though worried Cole would get sick.

As Cole downed the second bottle, albeit a little slower this time, Dean grabbed a towel to run it under the tap. After wringing the water out, he came back to softly dab it on Cole’s arms and neck.

The soldier let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “Shit, that’s nice.”

“You’ll need lotion. That thing did quite a number on your skin.”

“Got some in my bag,” Cole said as he tried to get up, without success.

“I’ll get it. Want help to the bed?”

Cole nodded as he let Dean manhandle him to the cot. As he sank down on it, his eyes caught sight of the dark puddle of goo on the floor. He shuddered. “Can’t believe I had that crap in me. Like that Alien movie or some shit.”

Dean chuckled. “Be glad it didn’t jump out of your stomach,” he said as he unzipped Cole’s duffel. He found the moisturizer immediately, worried to see there wasn’t much left. “You’ll need to buy more,” he warned as he threw Cole the tube.

Cole only nodded, working to squeeze some cream out. “Kit was a great soldier. He didn’t deserve to go out like this.”

“Nobody ever does,” Dean agreed in a tired voice as he came to sit next to the now bare-chested soldier. As sole answer, Cole turned his back to Dean who cringed when he saw the red and flaky skin.

“You mind?” he asked as he handed Dean the cream. “Itches like crazy.”

Dean swallowed thickly as he pressed a dollop in his hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled when the cold ointment made Cole hiss.

“No worries… it actually feels nice,” Cole replied in a low voice, letting out a rasped breath as to emphasize the sentiment. “Real nice.”

Dean gulped, glad Cole couldn’t see the ravished expression he no doubt had on his face. As he massaged the cream in, Dean couldn’t help but admire the young man’s tight muscles and tanned skin. As all sorts of images flooded his mind, Dean licked his lips, unaware that his breathing had become shallow.

“You okay there, Dean-O?” Cole asked, an unmistakable mirth in his tone.

“Uh-huh,” Dean answered as he took his hands off Cole’s back. “Should be enough for now.”

When Cole turned around to face Dean, the look on his face reminded him of how thirsty he had gotten earlier.

“What?” Dean asked, making Cole’s pupils twitch.

“I don’t know about you, but I certainly feel the need to wind down.” Without waiting for Dean to answer, he started to unfasten his pants. “Pretty sure there’s some more massaging you could help me with.”

Mouth agape, Dean could only watch as Cole guided one of Dean’s hand to his crotch. “You do me, I’ll do you,” he added, sending his own hand to Dean’s pants. “Don’t think so much, Dean-O. Me and some of the boys we’d do this all the time after a mission. It’s just a bro helping another, blowing off some steam, you know?”

And as Cole spoke, Dean could only nod, not ready to dispute the fact that they weren’t in a faraway land or about to die in the trenches. Yet he understood, having been there too, telling himself that certain thoughts or actions deserved some kind of no-homo badge for whatever reason.

Until he had stopped lying to himself.

“I saw you earlier, Dean. I saw that look in your eyes when I asked you to tie me up. That’s when I knew…” Cole sounded wrecked already, his fist in a powerful piston motion over Dean’s dick. “When’s your brother gonna be here?”

“I… I don’t know… aaah… an hour maybe. Didn’t say.”

“Good… that’s good…” Cole said again, making Dean let out a low frustrated huff when he took his hand of him and made him stop his ministrations too. “You know what I’d like, Dean? I’d like you to tie me up again.” He plunged a hand in the back of Dean’s unfastened pants, dipping a finger in his crack. “Then I want you to sit on my dick.”

This time, the shivers weren’t caused by the impending pleasure. “Cole… dude… I can’t…” The memory of the whole fiasco with Aaron was too fresh in his mind, even two years later. Since then, he had experimented by himself, but letting someone else have a go back there? Whole other story.

“Huh… Could have sworn you were a bottom,” Cole said with a shrug, grabbing at Dean’s dick again.

“I… I don’t know, all right? Tried once with… with someone and it didn’t work. I couldn’t even take his fingers.”

“Holy shit! Caught myself a little virgin hole,” Cole said with a ravenous grin as he threw Dean the tube of lotion. “You know how to open yourself up?”

Dean shrugged and nodded, still not sure he wanted to do this.

“Look, I’ll help ya, all right? Turn around.”

Swallowing his apprehension, Dean obeyed, still too aroused to think about turning anything down. “You’re gonna want me to… huh… use the ropes?”

“Nah… I’d rather do this instead,” Cole replied, spreading Dean’s butt cheeks and grazing a thumb over the rim. “You’re really not hairy, dude… that’s kind of hot. Almost like a chick’s ass. Looks pretty clean too, thank god!”

“Fuck you,” Dean groaned as he let his face hit the pillow. It didn’t really matter what Cole said as long as he kept doing what he was doing.

“I’ll be the one fucking you, Dean-O. Now take a deep breath.”

The first finger Cole pushed inside made Dean hiss and clench. 

“Relax, buddy… It’s all good,” Cole said in a soothing voice. As he softly moved the tip of his finger in and out, he massaged Dean’s balls. “That’s it, easy now…” he said again as he was able to slide up to the second knuckle. “You don’t play with your ass very much, do you?”

“Hng… not… no… been some time now.”

“You gotta get some toys, man… sometimes just pumping your dick’s not enough, you know? You ain’t got an orgasm until you got a butt one.”

Even though Dean had come from playing with his ass on more than one occasion, he didn’t say a thing about it, focusing on Cole’s index finger as it went in and out of his hole. The soldier took it out completely, making Dean tremble. The hunter cringed at the unsavory noise of the almost empty cream tube being pressed. 

“You ready for two?” Cole asked, rubbing a reassuring hand in the small of Dean’s back.

“Yeah…” Dean croaked, sending a hand down to his cock.

This time, the pain was more acute when Cole tried to push inside him. He hadn’t even gotten to the first knuckles that Dean felt like he was being split in two.

“I can’t… it’s too… it’s too much…”

“Patience,” Cole murmured as he batted Dean’s hand away from his junk to start working him softly. “Concentrate on your dick, relax.”

Which Dean would have loved to do but he had trouble ignoring the fingers circling his hole. Still, when Cole tried again to push them in, it didn’t hurt as much. Well, it did, like an uncomfortable pinch, but the rhythmic pressure on his dick helped take the edge off. It felt nothing like it had with Aaron or even by himself.

“That’s it… you’re getting it,” Cole murmured, softly moving around, prodding the edge of Dean’s ass from the inside, loosening it up. There was no warning before Dean felt a warm wad of spit land on his ass. “Not much cream left,” Cole explained as he kept moving his fingers. “Breathe…”

The most surprising thing when Cole got in up to the second knuckle wasn’t the acute sting but the images that flooded his mind. Not that he wanted to think about him right this moment, but there had to be a reason why the pain in his ass prompted Castiel’s face to pop in his mind.

To be honest, it probably was that Misha dude. Because to imagine Cas naked and have actual images meant that the face and body that made his dick twitch and his ass relax were that other guy’s. He was only a warding tattoo shy of being Castiel after all.

“Good, you feel good… getting looser and looser… you’re liking this, aren’t you? Got two fingers in and they’re sliding in and out so nicely. Can’t wait to have my dick inside you.”

“Gimme me more,” Dean groaned, then moaned when Cole’s fingers found his prostate. “Shit… again.”

“Found the prize, didn’t I?” Cole said in a low voice, crooking his fingers some more. “Fuck, you’re getting so hard… told you this was fun.”

The voice, not deep enough for Dean’s liking, felt out of synch with the images in his mind. “Shut the hell up… just… just fuck me!”

“My dick’s much bigger than my two fingers, Dean-O.”

“Stop bragging and prove it!”

When Cole’s hands left Dean’s body, the hunter groaned and looked over his shoulder, worried the other man had decided to leave him horny and empty. Except he saw someone just as excited as him, rolling down a rubber over his engorged dick. And yeah, he hadn’t lied; Cole’s dick was huge. Not so much in length but its girth sent shivers up Dean’s spine.

He watched as the shorter man coated the last of the lotion over the condom, praying that it would be enough. “I’ll go slow,” Cole tried to reassure him. “But lemme just do something first.”

Dean close his eyes and braced himself, burying his face in the pillow again. He jumped a bit when he felt Cole’s hands on his ass. “I’ll put three now…”

Once more, the pleasurable pain prompted the angel’s face to materialize behind Dean’s eyelids… or the other guy’s, he didn’t care anymore. All he could think of was the sensation of his own dick plunging deep into Misha’s ass, how tight and hot it had been. It made him kind of regret that fake-Cas hadn’t tried to fuck him back then, or that he had turned down hippie-Cas. The fantasy of what hadn’t happened, so vivid, forced him to grab the base of his dick so he wouldn’t come too soon.

“I’m going in…” he heard Cole rasp in his ear. When had the guy climbed over his back? “Shit, you’re so fucking tight… just… relax…”

The images vanished as Dean felt the head of Cole’s dick push against his ass. He kept his eyes close, equally worried and eager. After a couple of calming breaths, he felt the head pass the rim, making him hiss.

“Shhh, it’s okay… it’s just the head… you’re okay…” Cole said as he moved back and slid out. Then he pushed in again, going a little deeper this time. “You okay?”

“Yeah… just… go on…”

Cole’s whole body trembled as he did his very best not to start ramming into Dean’s ass. The hunter certainly could appreciate the sentiment but the wait had become unbearable. “Go on, man… I won’t break…”

So Cole obeyed, making Dean scream as he bottomed out. Cole stopped, stroking Dean’s back. “You okay, man?”

“Ye– yeah! Just move dammit,” Dean replied through gritted teeth, his breathing ragged. He let out a gravelly moan when Cole slid almost all the way out then back in, much harder. The soldier didn’t stop this time, soon finding a nice rhythm.

All Dean could do was concentrate on the sound of their mixed breathings and their skin slapping together. He only wished Cole’s dick would catch on his prostate more often. And then it wasn’t so much fun anymore.

“Cole… dude!” Dean said, sending a hand to the man’s hip. “I’m dry… Need more…”

They both grunted when Cole carefully slid out. “There’s no more lotion,” he announced, taking off the condom. He shoved two fingers into his mouth to coat them with spit. “Get on your back and relax. Yeah, your knees up… perfect!”

Dean arched his back when Cole’s fingers brushed that magic spot again, making him kind of forget about yet another failed attempt. Now, even with Cole’s fingers all over his ass and crotch, Dean needed more.

“Bring your ass up here,” he said, hating having his mouth unoccupied. “I wanna blow you.”

Cole seemed to hesitate, but only for a second. He eventually obeyed, climbing on the cot to bring his crotch over Dean’s face. His dick was hard and leaking, making Dean’s mouth water. He closed his eyes, once more thinking back to that night with Misha. He quickly found out that a backwards BJ wasn’t that easy.

Still, he must have been good enough because Cole came quickly without so much of a warning, making Dean choke. And when he complained about getting sperm up his nose, Cole couldn’t help but laugh at him. 

Hadn’t Dean been right about to come, he could have been somewhat offended. Instead, his mind went blank and he came all over himself, with Cole softly helping him through it. The men didn’t bask in the afterglow for very long, making a quick job of cleaning up before Sam would return, which he did less than half an hour later. 

As Cole went to drop his stuff in his jeep, Sam joined him outside, determined to apologize.

“Hey, Cole?” he called as he went down the porch steps. “Listen, I… huh… for whatever it’s worth, I really wish it hadn’t ended this way,” Sam said.

Cole let out a calming breath. “Yeah, me too, Sammy-boy.”

“I mean… Kit… He was gonna kill her, and–”

“I know,” Cole stopped him, shaking his head. “Jemma told me everything.”

While Sam looked down at the ground, Cole continued, his determined stare on the tall hunter. “Soldier goes crazy, attacks his wife, she had to kill him. Or at least that’s the story that she’s gotta tell.”

Only then did he look away to observe Dean as he went to drop his own bag in the Impala’s trunk.

“I guess I seen it all now,” he said when Dean turned around.

“Some…” the hunter replied as he came to stand next to his brother. “Not all.”

Cole gave Dean a short nod and turned back to Sam. “I just wanna go home, see my family,” Cole said, shaking hands with Sam, then Dean. “I wanna thank you, Dean-o, for keepin’ me standin’,” he added, Dean’s hand still in his grasp.

The older Winchester took a quick glance at his brother. “All it took was a little blood and sweat and… more sweat.” As he said the last part, he could barely hold a smirk, making Cole snort. “You take care of yourself, you hear?”

“All right, I will,” Cole answered, now avoiding Dean’s eyes. The smile on his lips had a bitter edge when he spoke again, his eyes landing on Sam. “I still hope I won’t see the two of you anymore. No offense,” he then added, making sure to catch Dean’s eyes one last time.

“Non taken,” Sam assured him while his brother gave the smaller man an understanding shrug.

And as Cole drove away, Dean decided to push the memories of their encounter down, just like he often did.

 

 

_ To be continued… _


	6. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After harboring the devil inside him, Castiel is in bad shape. Dean still finds time has come to be honest, with himself and the ones he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end… I honestly would have hoped that the Lustiel storyline would have been done with (so I could use an episode like I did for the other chapters), but I can’t be that disappointed: I do LOVE Lustiel, or Casifer, or whatever! lol 
> 
> I could have also found an episode that aired and twist in around to integrate some big revelation. Like, S11-E03… But then whatever has happened since then wouldn’t make a lick of sense. So I had to just go forward in time and just write whatever I felt like writing. I thought of having Dean make some kind of declaration that would help Castiel kick Satan out but I didn’t feel like it.
> 
> I can only hope this last chapter will be "satisfactory" to you all (I’m turning into Castiel myself, see?).
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much to have been reading and liking and commenting this little fantasy of mine.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Sunday! (or whatever day you’re reading this on… lol)

_ Not from any aired episodes. Post Lustiel lucubrations. _

 

“Cas? You up?”

Dean waited, his ear against the door. Since Chuck – there was no getting over this fidgety fucker actually being God – sent both Amara and Lucifer back where they belonged, Cas had been hiding in his room.

“You’re gonna have to come out at some point, man. I know you don’t need to eat or bathe or whatever… Still, could you just reassure me and confirm that you’re still in there… and preferably not dead?”

Dean’s heart quickened when he heard a faint noise coming from inside the room.

“Please, Cas? Even if it’s to tell me to go the fuck away!”

The door opened, suddenly enough for Dean to lose his footing. The angel grabbed at Dean’s arm to keep him upright but didn’t let his hand linger there for long. When he finally spoke, he looked anywhere but at Dean.

“See? I’m alive… I won’t be in yours or your brother’s way for very long, I just need to replenish my grace some more.”

Taking a step forward, Dean tried to catch the angel’s gaze, without success. Cas turned away to go sit on his bed, obstinately staring at the floor.

“You know we want you to stay, Cas.” Closing the door behind him, Dean came to sit next to his friend. “How’s that going? Your grace? Feeling any better?” Only then did he catch sight of the overflow of candy and chips wrappers in the waste basket.

“What’s this?” he asked as he grabbed the small bin.

The angel tried to snatch back the incriminating proof of him not doing as well as he should. Dean kept it out of reach, blocking Cas with a splayed hand on his chest.

“I’m still stronger than you are, Dean. Don’t make me hurt you.”

Castiel’s voice sounded rough, more from disuse than anger. Dean chuckled, his hold on his friend not faltering.

“You won’t hurt me,” Dean declared, deliberately ignoring the times when Cas did hurt him. “Now tell me… how is it that you gotta eat? And, I feel like I’m turning into Sam when I say this but… eating that crap won’t help you get any better.”

“It appeases the hunger. It doesn’t really matter what I eat.”

“You sure about that?”

Seeing as Castiel seemed to have abandoned the idea to wrestle Dean into giving him the waste basket, the hunter dropped it back on the floor.

“Look… Not that I know how that shit works but Lucifer was an archangel, Cas. How you ever were able to hold him in without going all wonky like the other guy is beyond me.”

“I’m an angel, Dean.”

“In a human body. How do you know it didn’t mess you up?”

For the first time, Castiel looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. “It did “mess me up”, I know that. It’ll just take longer for me to get better, that’s it. So, if you don’t mind…”

Castiel went back to the door to open it. “I’m tired and would like to sleep now.”

“Cas…”

“Please, Dean!”

With a dejected sigh, Dean got up and walked out, making sure to softly squeeze the angel’s shoulder as he did. “If you need anything, just ask, all right?” he said. 

The only response came from the door closing on him without another word from Castiel.

 

•

 

“What do you mean, he eats?”

“What do you think I mean? He gets hungry, so he eats. He’s got a bunch of empty wrappers in his room. You’d think he’s been hanging out with the Trickster. Maybe that’s an angel thing…”

“Oh… that explains it then,” Sam said with a small laugh, shaking his head. “I thought you were the one getting into my stash. Was just about to kick your ass for it too.” Seeing his brother’s confused frown, Sam explained. “I get cravings sometimes so I keep some stuff hidden in the bunker.”

Dean huffed, not sure what offended him the most: That his health-nut of a brother had a stash of junk or that the guy thought he had to hide it from him. “You’re such a hypocrite, man… you and your salads and shakes and crap. I’m hurt, Sammy, I really am!”

“Yeah, right! You’re just pissed you didn’t find it before Cas did.”

“Whatever, bitch!” Dean said before waving a finger in his brother’s face. “I don’t ever wanna hear you complain about my eating habits again, you hear?” Satisfied, Dean lowered his finger and grinned. “Speaking of food, I gotta go to the store. Gonna make something nice for dinner tonight.”

“Lemme guess… Burgers? Look, I know they’re real good but– ”

Dean huffed, efficiently cutting his brother off. “First off, they’re amazing… Second, Cas loves burgers. And burritos. And as long as he needs to eat, I’ll make sure he gets at least some real food with legit vitamins. He’ll be back on his feet in no time.”

“Can we have a salad instead of fries then? You know, if you want Cas to eat healthy…”

“I’ll buy the green stuff and you can go and make a salad if you want. I’m still having fries.”

 

•

 

As Dean expected, Castiel didn’t come out of his room for dinner. So he prepared the angel a plate – with both fries and some of Sam’s rabbit food – and walked back to the angel’s room.

“Cas? Got your dinner. You wouldn’t want the burger to turn cold now, would you?”

The door opened much quicker than it had earlier.

“Burger?” Castiel only said, eyes sparkling with evident interest.

“Yeah… My own recipe too.”

If at first Dean had intended on just handing him the plate and going away, he instead decided to walk in and put the food on the bedside table. Somehow, he felt the need to see Cas actually eat and enjoy his food.

“I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will,” Castiel said under his breath as he sat on the bed, putting the plate on his lap. “You made salad?”

“Sam did… Just wasn’t sure if you’d want that or fries.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, Castiel gave the hunter a real smile. “You didn’t have to do that. I was fine with the candy.”

“Yeah… Sam was just about to tear me a new one about that. It was his stash of junk. Where did you find that stuff anyway? I doubt you went into his room…”

“In the library,” Castiel said between bites of burger. “In the cabinet with the sword.”

“Little fucker! He knows I’d never look in there.”

Castiel didn’t comment, too busy clearing off the plate of every single bit of food. As he swallowed the last of it, he exhaled contentedly and put back the plate on the table. “That was much more satisfying than Sam’s secret food,” he said before letting out a loud burp.

Dean laughed and shrugged, mostly pleased to have made the angel happy. “If you’re still hungry, I also bought pie… and ice cream.”

“I don’t think I can eat anymore but thank you, Dean. This was very good.”

“Glad you liked it. You seem to be doing better at least.”

“Sleeping did help, yes. But it hasn’t helped with the hunger. I was pretty famished, as you can see.”

“Maybe next time you can come out of your cave and eat with us?”

“Maybe… but I won’t need to eat for much longer.”

Dean nodded even though he didn’t really agree. “Well… you don’t know that. What if Lucifer did something to you? Are you sure your grace–”

“I’m still an angel, Dean. This is temporary.”

“Cas, I’m not saying you’re not an angel but… maybe we should call Chuck? There might be something wrong with you.”

The stare that landed on Dean was a dark one. “The name’s God and no, we’re not calling Him. All those years He hid from us, from me…”

“You heard what He said, right? It wasn’t–”

“I think you should go now. Thank you for the burger.”

“Cas–”

“Good night,” the angel insisted, turning his back to Dean to lie on the bed.

Except this time, Dean didn’t comply. He stayed where he sat, staring at Castiel’s back. “You’re gonna have to get over this, Cas. Boo-fucking-hoo, Daddy’s been a big ol’ meanie… He’s back now and you know what? He probably feels awful enough to say yes to whatever you’ll ask of Him. Have Him make you better. Hell, have Him upgrade you into an archangel if that’s what you want. Just stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“You don’t understand,” Castiel mumbled, still not looking at Dean.

“Fuck you, Cas! I’ve been heaven and hell’s puppet for most of my life. Even you had a go at it… But I never stopped, I kept on going.”

“I distinctly remember you being on the verge of agreeing to let Michael in.”

“But I didn’t.”

With a huff, Castiel turned around to face Dean. “Lucifer being inside me… he destroyed parts of my grace, all right? That’s why I get hungry, and tired… I even need to use the bathroom once in a while. Not as often as I did when I was fully human, but often enough for it to be a bother.”

“Okay, but God could fix that for you. He could restore your grace, couldn’t He?”

“Probably… I just… I’m not sure yet I’d want Him to.”

“Oh…” Dean could only respond, unsure of what it meant. “So what? You’re gonna be human again?”

“I don’t know. Either what’s left of my grace will replenish itself, either it will dissipate completely.”

“And then what? If it dissipates? You won’t be dying, right? Because before you got your own grace back that shit was gonna kill you, wasn’t it?”

Castiel shrugged, now lying on his back. He didn’t even look away from the ceiling when Dean lied next to him.

“If you could choose, what would you do? Be an angel or a human?”

“I’m an angel of the Lord… the little time I’ve been human hasn’t been so nice so… angel, I guess.”

“You know it’d be different this time, right? If you were to be human?”

“How so?”

Dean turned to his side, holding his head up in his hand. “First off, you wouldn’t be told to leave. That shit’s never happening again. This is your home, Cas.”

Still facing the ceiling, Castiel let out a shaky breath. “You say that now but we both know that if it was to save your brother’s life, you’d send me to the streets again.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Castiel turned to face Dean, a soft smile on his lips. “It’s fine, I get it. Sam is who matters and that’s the way it has to be. You’ll always have each other. Pretty sure he’d send me away too if it were to save you. But if I lost you, I’d be on my own. And I can’t bear the idea of being alone as a human. Not again.”

Dean felt a sting in his heart and a itch in his throat.

“You’ll never lose us, Cas.” He took a deep breath, not entirely sure he was ready to say what he really thought. “You’ll never lose me,” he eventually specified, his eyes never leaving the angel’s.

“You can’t make such promises, Dean. You said it yourself, you’ve been at the mercy of heaven and hell your whole life. We almost lost you to the Mark, then to the Darkness… I myself came close to killing you on more than one occasion.”

“But you didn’t. I don’t think you could.” Castiel bristled when Dean laced his fingers with his. “It took me far too long to understand it, but I don’t think we could ever get rid of one another, however hard we try. Maybe we should just…l embrace it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look… I’m not saying… What I mean is that you’re just as important to me as Sam is. Not in the same way but I know I don’t want this life without him, just like I don’t want it without you. You get me?”

Castiel nodded, pensive. “I think so. We better hope my grace won’t go away then. We wouldn’t want me to be useless now, would we?”

The angel’s soft expression turned to one of shock when the hunter cradled his face with both hands. “Dammit, Cas… I don’t care that you wouldn’t be an angel anymore. You’re a soldier, a hunter, grace or no grace. Get that through your thick skull, would you?”

“But you said–”

“I say a lot of crap, I can be quite the asshole. I do that… But I don’t care about that stuff, and Sam doesn’t care either.”

When Dean gave Cas a small peck on the lips, it surprised them both.

“Dean?” Castiel said under his breath right when Dean came back for seconds, staying a little longer this time, pressing a little harder. It was Castiel’s lack of participation that made Dean pull back and take his hands off the angel’s face.

“I’m sorry… I thought… Let’s just forget about it, all right?” he said in a stammer as he prepared to roll off the bed.

Castiel grabbed his wrist to pull him back closer to him. “Don’t go. I just never thought… please do it again?”

His heart erratic, Dean complied, once more brushing his lips over Castiel’s. This time, the angel welcomed it, letting out a contented sigh as he started moving his lips against Dean’s.

After softly kissing for some time, Castiel pushed himself back, a frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just… Am I expected to be kissing Sam too?” Castiel asked, frowning. “Not that he’s not nice but I don’t think I would like it as much.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the idea. “Well, no… Actually, I’d rather you didn’t.” Then it was Dean’s turn to frown. “Hey, you know you don’t have to kiss anyone you don’t want to, right? Even me… this is not a condition of you staying here.”

“No, I like kissing you. It’s much nicer than the other kisses I’ve had.”

A pleased grin appeared on Dean’s face. “It is, huh? Yeah, I’m just that good,” he teased before crashing his mouth onto the angel’s to dip his tongue between his lips. And as they kissed, Dean couldn’t help but think back to all the others he’d ever kissed. Would they be male or female, none had ever been as satisfying as what was happening at that very moment.

The realization made Dean’s heart beat even faster and he had to let go of Cas, pretty much on the verge of having a panic attack. He leaned his forehead against Cas’s, eyes closed, as he tried to calm down.

“Are you okay?” he heard the angel murmur.

“Uh-huh… fine… need a minute.”

“We don’t have to do this, you know. If you’re not comfortable–”

“No! I mean… it’s good… better than good… I’m just not used to this.”

“Kissing?”

Dean chuckled. “I’m used to kissing, that’s not the problem.”

“Then what? Is it that my vessel is a male?”

“I don’t care about that… Cas, I’m just not used to kissing you.”

“Of course–”

“Shut up for a sec! What I mean is… I’m not used to kissing people I really, really like. There’s only been a few people and even then… Dammit, Cas… I’ve never liked kissing someone as much as I like kissing you right now. And it’s fucking scary, all right?”

“You hunt monsters, Dean. How is kissing scary?”

Chewing on his lower lip, Dean was working real hard to keep the heat in his eyes from spilling. Where to start explaining that shit?

“Look, I… D’you mind if I take a breather? I just gotta take a break.” Dean gulped when he saw the worried expression on the angel’s face. He brought a soft hand up to Castiel’s cheek, caressing his lower lip with his thumb. “I’m okay, we’re okay… I just… I’ll be back, I swear. This is just a lot to process and I don’t want to mess it up.”

Castiel nodded, worry still etched all over his face. “Whatever you need, Dean. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated or something.”

The hunter was able to give his angel a small smile he hope felt reassuring. “I don’t, I swear,” he said as he got off the bed, grabbing the empty plate. “You might wanna sleep some more… I’ll be back later.”

 

•

 

Sam barely looked up from his computer when Dean entered the library and sat on the other side of the table.

“So, he enjoyed his dinner?” Sam asked as he kept typing.

“Yeah… I guess. He ate pretty fast though, not sure he really tasted anything.”

“Well he does take after you,” Sam replied with a shit eating grin.

“Ha! Ha! Real funny, candy boy!”

Dean, who had braced himself for some sort of riposte, exhaled loudly when it didn’t come. Which he now hoped would have been less noisy since it made Sam to look up and close the lid of his computer.

“You okay?” Sam asked, with that concerned – and so annoying – look on his face. “Is Cas doing okay?”

“Yeah… yeah, I think so… it’s just… says Lucifer destroyed parts of his grace. Which is why he’s kinda human these days.”

“Now what? Is he dying or…”

“Jesus, Sam… of course he’s not dying!” Dean snapped, even though he didn’t know for sure Cas would survive. And he certainly didn’t feel like thinking about it.

“Sorry, but… I don’t think I’ve ever hear of an angel living with only parts of his grace.”

“Yeah, he says it’s either gonna replenish or dissipate. So, he could be on his way to becoming fully human again.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Dean pressed the heels of his hands on his eyes, unable to look at his brother anymore. “He’s afraid we’ll kick him out again. Told him we wouldn’t… ever! I promised him,” he insisted, looking back at his brother and hoping he would understand the underlying message.

Sam nodded, clearly on board with his brother’s secret plea. “D’you think Chuck–”

“Cas is pissed at God, he doesn’t wanna ask Him for help.”

“Doesn’t have to be him that asks. Pretty sure Chuck will be glad to help… especially after everything Cas has to go through.”

“Said the same thing. But anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Quirking a single eyebrow, Sam leaned back on his chair. “Problem?”

Dean only shook his head, his throat suddenly too dry to attempt speaking. He tried to clear it, without much success. He gave a grateful nod to Sam who pushed his beer forward for him.

He took his time to guzzle down the last of it, ignoring his brother’s increasingly offended pout. “A single sip should have been enough, Dean.”

“I’ll get you another one in a minute… just lemme say this first,” Dean responded, keeping the empty bottle in his hands to pick at the label. “So… well… it’s just… with Cas here and… things might change a bit… or a lot…”

Instead of the confused frown Dean expected, Sam just nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“What I mean is… Cas… I… He’s not gonna leave because I don’t want him too.”

“I know…”

“No, I know you know but… you don’t really know, you know?”

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle, making Dean scowl at him. “Shut up!”

“Dean, I don’t mind, all right? I’m just glad you finally let yourself see it.”

Letting out another noisy breath, Dean took a minute to push down any residual embarrassment he could have felt. “So… we’re good?”

“Of course, we’re good. Why would you think otherwise? It’s not like I never knew you liked guys.”

“I do not,” Dean blurted before going red as a beet and shaking his head. “What I mean is… I do but… it’s not like it’s always been that way, okay?”

“It doesn’t bother me, Dean. Seriously. And sorry to tell you, but you’ve never been real subtle anyway.”

Still with his cheeks heated, Dean heard himself ask his brother what he meant by that.

“Well… I don’t think a guy that’s not into guys at least a little bit would get this obsessed about Dr Sexy. Or his cowboy boots.” He ignored his brother’s huff as he went on, holding a finger up each time he thought of a new evidence of Dean’s bisexuality. “There was that siren… Nick? Just that he got to you by being a guy instead of the usual stripper says a whole lot if you ask me. Then there was that vibe you let out in that Zachariah reality. Dude, pretty sure you checked _me_ out. Then there was Aaron. You were pretty happy to tell me about your gay thing… And then, there’s Crowley… Really, dude? Crowley?”

Had he been drinking at that moment, Dean would probably have spit it out. Instead, he just choked on air. “Crowley? What the hell, man?”

“Are you saying you and Crowley never got to do the horizontal tango?”

“Jeez, Sam… of course not! He’s a demon.”

“Yeah… as were you. And you guys looked pretty cozy. Crowley certainly wouldn’t hate getting his hands on you if he hasn’t already.”

Dean knew Sam was right. Crowley had tried more than once to get in his pants in the little time they hung out together. Except that even as a demon, Dean had always refused. Well… getting in bed with the demon with triplets between the both of them shouldn’t count as them being together, right? No, he didn’t think so!

“All right, if you say so… but I know something happened with Aaron. Saw him come out of the Impala that morning. Never said a word ‘cause I thought you’d tell me but you never did. So I never asked. Was he your first?”

“Sam… you can’t–” Dean started to say, only to change his mind; He had to admit really wanted – needed – to talk about it all to someone. “Nah… He wasn’t… It’s not like I had many… But yeah, you weren’t wrong. First guy I ever kissed was Nick.” He chose not to admit it had been a little more than kissing.

“Knew it! Whenever I see Bobby again, I’m asking for my twenty bucks!”

“You don’t need money in Heaven,” Dean said with a pout. “You guys had a bet about me?”

“About you and Nick, yeah. Bobby didn’t think you guys had done anything… I was sure you did.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down about the fact that apparently everybody in his life had been seeing what he thought he hid so well.

“Just so you know, I never checked you out. You were the one who came on to me,” Dean mumbled, thinking back to his short stint as Dean Smith.

Sam shrugged, knowing that he’d never win that argument; It did seem at the time like he had been hitting on his brother after all. Even though he really hadn’t. “So… Anyone else I should know about? You know, since you’ve always liked to share a little too much about the ladies.”

“Huh… well… There was that Misha guy… Fake-Cas? Apparently, fake me and him were having a thing. I couldn’t fuck this up for him, you know? And then there’s Benny…”

“A vampire, Dean? Really?”

“Wanna talk about Ruby, Sam? Or Madison? Or Amy?” Dean said, scowling at his brother. “Yeah, didn’t think so… And I had a thing with Cole, but that’s it…”

“And what about Cas? You guys never…”

“No, not until now… But it’s not like the others, it’s different.”

Sam chuckled. “That’s because you’re in love, you big dork.”

“No, I’m not!” 

Dean exhaled, then closed his eyes. “Yeah… I may be.”

“Then it’s all good… I’m real happy for you.”

The smile on his brother’s face was so big that Dean couldn’t help but believe him. Of course, Sam would be happy about this. He was the biggest of all romantic saps, after all.

 

•

 

Twenty minutes later, Dean was back in Castiel’s bed, spooning the sleeping angel. He could have woken him up but chose not to, instead holding on to him with his face in his neck.

He was just about to fall asleep himself when he felt Castiel stir, then turn around to face him.

“You took a shower,” Castiel said in a sleepy voice. “And you changed too.”

“Got ready for bed,” Dean hummed over Castiel’s lips. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”

“I should take a shower too.”

“You smell clean enough… don’t go.”

Castiel complied, bringing his whole body to line up with Dean’s.

“So… was the break you took satisfactory?”

Dean chuckled then nodded. “Yeah… I just needed… You gotta know, I’ve lost pretty much everyone I’ve ever… I’ve… fuck it! Everyone I’ve ever loved. And when you lose someone you love, the hurt never fully goes away.”

“But I won’t leave you. And you haven’t lost Sam. Not everyone’s gone, Dean.”

This time, Dean couldn’t hold the tears back as he remembered how he did lose Cas and Sam before. “I did lose you, Cas… too many times to count.”

“But I always came back to you.”

“Yeah, you did… but someday you won’t. Same goes for Sam… That’s what’s scaring me.”

Castiel took the hunter in his arms, hooking a leg over the other man’s to bring them even closer together. Not even a piece of paper could have fitted between their bodies.

“I want to help you, Dean. Tell me how I can reassure you,” the angel whispered in Dean’s ear, making him tremble.

“I… make lo… fuck me…” Dean answered, his voice thick from too many conflicting emotions. “I need you to take me… all of me.”

Castiel nodded, a gentle smile on his lips. “Will you help me give this to you?” he murmured, planting a soft kiss on his neck between every other word.

“Yeah… I… I got myself ready in the shower,” Dean explained. “I’ll show ya…”

Both men helped each other undress, caressing and kissing every inch of skin they uncovered. Before long, Dean had Castiel’s rapidly growing dick in his mouth, making him moan and buck his hips without restraint.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Dean couldn’t help but say when he took his mouth off him. “I want you so much…”

Nothing but a rough squeak passed Castiel’s lips when he tried to answer. He cleared his throat and couldn’t muster more than a single word as Dean coated his dick with lube.

“Ready?”

Dean lied on his back with a pillow under his hips, grabbing the back of his knees to pull on his legs as much as he could. “I’m ready… just… go slow, all right?”

Castiel nodded, unable to look away from Dean’s quivering hole. Licking his lips, he couldn’t help but poke at the puckered skin, then slipping his index finger in.

“Fuck, Cas!” Dean blurted, crooking his neck to try and see what was happening between his legs. “Stop playin’ around and fuck me already!”

Again, the angel kept quiet and bent down to kiss his rim, making Dean’s breath hitch. Then Castiel’s lips brushed Dean’s perineum and balls, tonguing his way up the underside of Dean’s dick.

“Cas!” the hunter cried when Castiel sucked the head in his mouth. “Fuck me!” he said again, his voice rough and breathy.

This time, Castiel seemed to be willing to obey, getting on his knees and lining up. “Ooh…” he breathed when the head of his dick brushed over Dean’s hot hole. And again when he delicately pushed inside until the whole tip had disappeared inside.

“Lube up some more, would you?” Dean asked as he threw the small bottle he had brought with him.

Castiel obeyed, rubbing some more lube on his dick. With his fingers slick, he went back to loosen Dean up some more, making him moan. “Come on, dude… I’m go… Shit!”

With a knowing smile, Castiel swept his crooked fingers over Dean’s prostate a couple more times before taking his fingers out. This time, when Cas pushed in, he was able to go a little deeper.

“Stop… wait,” Dean said, taking deep breaths. “Okay… I’m good.”

Trembling, Cas pushed himself further, slowly, until he was completely buried in his friend’s body. Their eyes met at that moment and Castiel couldn’t resist dipping down to kiss Dean, feeling the need to devour the hunter’s mouth.

“You… gotta… move… please…” Dean mumbled between kisses, canting his hips.

The angel soon obeyed, almost sliding entirely out before slamming his hips forward again, making Dean yelp.

“More!”

And Castiel obeyed again, now with little to no respite between thrusts. It didn’t take long for Dean to feel delirious with pleasure, Castiel apparently able to catch his prostate every time he moved. He came way too fast, in his own opinion, but he hadn’t been able to keep it in.

Cas took a little longer but when he did come, it made Dean see stars again, his spent dick trying to come alive again as Castiel’s own dick pulsed inside him.

When Castiel finally slid out, even though he would have prefered to stay there forever, he barely moved away. He stayed between Dean’s legs, their spent cocks slotted together, unmoving as they tried to catch their breaths.

“It’s… I’ve never felt like this,” Castiel eventually said, his breath a ghost over Dean’s sweat-slick collarbone.

“I know…” Dean could only reply, on the verge of crying again. He tried to swallow it down; he may have been queer, he wasn’t ready to start crying after sex however amazing it had been.

Or maybe he was, he had to admit when his eyes filled up with tears and made him sniffle. Castiel propped himself up to look at him.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

A stray tear spilled on his cheek when Dean chuckled. “Nah… I’m good… real good even. It’s happy tears.” He looked down at his own come-splattered chest and chuckled again. “We’re disgusting, lemme–” he started, trying to move away. Only Castiel didn’t let him leave.

“Stay,” the angel said as he pinned the hunter down again under his own body, not caring about the sticky mess between them. “I’m not ready yet to not be touching you.”

Dean looked at the sink near the door, ready to argue that he wouldn’t be going very far, but he relented. Instead he relaxed in the angel’s hold, thinking how he never once had the occasion to sleep in a man’s arms. Not that he had ever wanted to. Except for that Misha guy maybe, way back when.

“I wish we had done this before,” Castiel confided, “but I don’t think I would have appreciated it as much. Actually, I think it’ll be even better once I’m fully human. Had we done this when Metatron took my grace, I may not have minded not to be an angel ever again.”

“I don’t think we were there yet.”

“I know… I didn’t think we’d ever be.”

Dean smiled, knowing what Castiel meant to say.

“And now I don’t think I’d ever want us to be anywhere else,” the angel added as he kissed the hunter’s warding tattoo.

And as Dean caressed Castiel’s own tattoo with the pad of his fingers, he could finally understand – and accept – how this man was the one person he’d never let go.

 

 

_ • The End • _

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing is mine, copyrights to whoever and dreams all around!!
> 
> Once again, I couldn’t be bothered to be patient and ask someone to beta this for me. So all mistakes are mine!
> 
> Please don’t hesitate to comment or come and say hi on [Tumblr](http://marmeladyorange.tumblr.com). :-D


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